Looking Within

So I was thinking as I walked this morning, why now, why has it taken me 12 years to realise that I need to do something with my health.  I will be honest I don’t know why. 

I know my walk was a lot slower than days past. My knees have swelled and my ankles are aching, but I’m still determined to do this every day. I even know that I feel better inside myself for this already. 

The Feeling inside isn’t cause I have gone and lost weight in my first week or two. It’s a clearer feeling within my head and soul. I don’t ask to be judged, yet I’m smart enough to know, some people will always judge others as that’s just there nature. I am slowly learning that this is something I have to ignore and know that it isn’t something that I should let bother me. 

Having wonderful support around me is very much the key to everything; in my books, retraining my brain about food is a hard thing. 

Went to the Local Footy on Saturday Night; I’m sure everyone can recall the smell of Hot Chips cooking because I could at the Grounds also I could smell the Onions on the BBQ, It made me think about all the time when I would just eat whatever I wanted, but I knew if I was to give into my temptation all the work over the last 2 weeks would add up and amount to nothing. 

I’m like most Red Blooded Aussie Males, I love to go to the Footy and have a Meat Pie, Cup of Chips and an icy Cold beer. 

For me now this is no longer an option. I really have to find the strength and conviction to put my Health first and foremost. 

I wonder what lies ahead for me, what battles and struggles I will be confronted with along the way, I even am extremely scared about failure, I think that this is what will really drive me, I won’t let myself fail at this, It maybe or may not be slow going early on, but I have made this decision to lay everything bare on the table. 

People can pick apart my life, my character, but I will not let myself fail this time. I have failed at thing in the past because I quit on myself. It’s funny about things, and how moments in life happen, this will be truly spectacular for me, I have one hand on my goal by admitting my mistakes and taking ownership for my health, But I am working harder than ever before to make sure every post is a winner. 

Next Day

I’m feeling rather down today, been thinking about a few things that I have been struggling with, also the temptation of things, There’s Birthday cake in the house, I have been strong and said no, It maybe ok to have a little piece, but if a start saying yes to that then what else will a say yes to in the future. I think and feel it is best for me to just say NO and to not eat anything like that at all until I better get a hold of my body and health. 

Today is the first real test of my self-belief and inner strength, I have got cravings today for something sweet, Caramel Tart or Slice, I could go something like that now, But I just try to block this out and think of the bigger picture, I know my PT would absolutely smash me if I did, also the only person I am harming is myself. 

I know it’s only early on, but I’m feeling  down with the training, like I should be able to do more but I physically cant atm, I’m pushing myself to the edge  and struggling to back up, but I do. 

So tomorrow when I wake it will be back to training after having a rest day, I needed a rest just to let the batteries recharge. 

Again I am humbled by the many people who have read this and commented to me via facebook. Thank you.