Day To Day

So it’s been a few days since I last spent some time to update my blog, found some time to put a few words down. Not a great deal to talk about right now. 

Been going about my day; trying to just do my thing. 

Training has been intense again this week, my legs just started to feel good and you know what they now feel busted yet again. 

Things have been intense around my life atm, like every person out there I’m not without my own baggage. I keep pushing myself and asking myself how to best get through this utter confusion that has become my baggage. 

It’s funny how you never realize just how many people out there want to see you do well, I have been touched recently by some wonderful support coming from people I would have least expected to see that come from. 

I don’t really see or feel the benefits of all this change just yet, but I understand I got to keep pushing through the mental side of things to get the all-round benefits. 

I want to train harder, I want to train more, I want to push until I break each and every day, but the limitations on me, from my doctor and trainer don’t allow for this due to the real life concern of the stress on my heart. 

What not many people understand is that, my heart isn’t the strongest; I have been through some scary moments with it. So I am doing what is asked of me atm; until I can get the clearance to push harder. 

I felt I let myself down last night when I ate 4 lamb chops instead of 2. My PT Andrew was upset, but happy that I was honest with him in my eating diary. Just meant today he flogged me harder than normal and got rather crankier. 

I feel I have been doing better than expected, it has now been 1 month since I last ate anything classed as “junky or Comfort Food”. No Sweets, No Deep fried Foods, No fatty or Super-Sized meals; I have even been eating a little Salad at Lunch time. 

You Know I often go to sleep dreaming of waking and suddenly I have lost my goal weight and I am normal in the eyes of society. But I know that isn’t going to happen.  

This is all about doing something for me, that will give me hope and a life better suited to extended life and happiness. 

I would love to be able to meet someone and fall in love one day. I would love to be able to share my heart with someone other than the fatty foods that have been blocking them over the years. 

I often feel very alone and closed off from reality and the world, while my friends enjoy weekends out and summers on the beach, I hide away locked off from the world. 

I truly wish someone could see the person I am inside, not the person I am on the outside. I don’t want to have to wipe away tear of hurt and pain anymore because I’m alone. 

I have a Great deal I think I could offer in life, this journey will hopefully help put the last amazing pieces in places to help me change from the moth to a butterfly. 

Today I am me, tomorrow I am me, within a year I will still be me, just less hurt and more happiness.