Clearing the head

Today I feel Like i need to make a few things clearer, Within this Blog I can only speak from my experiences; Yes I’m morbidly obese , yet in many senses I’m health as can be expected, but I ask myself every day; for how long? 

I hate pictures of myself, I’m always mad when i looked myself in the mirror, I´ve been alone for years, no girlfriend and going out for me is limited because I am ashamed of myself.

I have no doubt many other people can and somehow will identify with some or all of these things, if you do please make the change today to make yourself feel proud. 

I have made this massive choice in my life to change how things are done, I have had to confront some very personal demons to even get this far, It is only in the baby steps stage for me, My body isn’t changing just yet, but my attitude and commitment to this has. 

I’m about 2 weeks in, gone cold turkey on my sweets, and Junk food. I have been exercising daily, while this is still limited in range and length it is a starting point for me. The soreness has come with quiet a vengeance, but it isn’t stopping me achieving my dream and goals this time, like it has in the past. 

I wouldn’t call what is happening to be as a fad or a diet; I would say it is a re-education and change of life style. 

I have read, watched and seen many stories on weight loss and the journey it takes those people on. I look forward to that feeling when people see you on the street and make this big amazing surprised face because you are looking younger, great and healthier. Another great feeling I long for is when I can finally fit in to normal size modern clothes.

My dream is to one-day be able to buy a Broncos Jumper and be able to wear it. The inside of the world obese people become trapped in is indescribable, even though I have had a fair crack at it within these blog posts. 

I have for many years failed on myself, I have become less me and more the monster that obesity turns you into. I remember the embarrassment of breaking a bed whilst on holidays cause my weight was too great for the bed. 

I often think about the lost opportunities that have seen me become long term unemployed. The lower energy levels, the aching joints, the general pain and the mental strain. 

I get down and sad at not being independent, it really hurts and causes great frustration. I love my sport, I enjoy the social and the benefits that sports builds and brings, yet it also is a battle to keep up within, due to the strain it places on me. 

I know that this time I will succeed in my pursuit for health, I just have to listen to my body along the way and understand that while my mind is hard the body needs time to recover.