11/05/2011

I was once quoted a Saying that I feel is fitting to me, “To be able to move forward one must first be able to let go of the past.” 

This is a great saying, me personally I feel as a Morbidly Obese man I have to better understand my past, and find what lies beneath the surface of my past before I can let it go and move on past it. We as human beings often have baggage; some of us just know how to better handle it. 

My life has been a constant battle of many, many things. Suffering for Bipolar has been a challenge in itself, there are days when you feel and have the extreme highest of high’s then come the moments and times of the darkest lowest of lows. 

Suffering from this my head space just hasn’t been right for a long time. This isn’t something that I have ever openly spoke about, until I decided that I need help, with the help of my GP I gain access to a Psychologist, have spent 3 years working through issues that only myself and my Psychologist probably will ever  truly know about. 

I have always been a very emotional person, sometimes great other times not so great, I lost my Grandparents quite some number of years ago; I struggled with this, a great deal. I have never openly or honestly really ever spoken about this with anyone. Kev & Enid were and always will be my heroes; growing up in a close knit family these 2 remarkable people were the glue that bonded our families. A lot of my grounding and development as a person came from these 2 people. I don’t think there ever was a Xmas or Birthday that they ever missed. I will never forget the Sunday Roast Lunch’s and there place or the countless BBQ’s together.  I was only 1 of many Grandkids, but the best thing was they loved us all the same. I think it was 1997 when Kev (Grandad) past on, I will never forget they raft of emotions I went through, I could only ever imagine what my Mum and my aunties and Uncles went through themselves, or my other cousins for that fact. I struggled to deal with this, I didn’t have granddad any long to visit and watch the cricket with in the summer while he sat in his recliner with his brown towel draped over the back eating watermelon with a knife.  

This is the day our lives and families changed, no longer did we or have we come together since, it was 4 years later Grandma (Enid/Lill) past on, this truly was the end of an era. Her passing absolutely punched a hole straight through me.  It was quick and just totally shattering. Grandma was without doubt the single greatest influence on my life full stop. With her passing went many things, I don’t think my own mother has ever been the same. I couldn’t imagine what it must be like for everyone else. 

Since these days and times, our family has again grown; my siblings have gone on to start their own families. I have 4 awesome nieces and a nephew.   

This journey I am taking and going down now is about me discovering who I am, Why did I eat and put the weight on, what is the contributing factors, how can I lose this weight and keep it off.

I have had some unbelievable moments in my life that have help shape me, I suffered Epilepsy as a child, I took numerous turns as a child growing up,  One in particular that I almost died from.  Then there was my Asthma and now my Obesity. 

Being Obese is a hell, you are trapped and at times feel as if you have no way out, I’m glad that I’m getting help from Be-Transformed Bundaberg to help me break this cycle and to help me live. This won’t be a short journey, there are no quick fixes or silver bullets, and only hard work and I’m sure many, tearful moments and character defining changes. 

Yesterday I got a phone call from someone a class as my life time friend.  I grew up with him, we lived next door to each other for almost all our child hood and we did everything together growing up. It was touching to touch base with him again. Just knowing he cared means a lot to me. 

I just I hope I live long enough to see many more changes in life, it’s lonely being alone, being obese you are alone, you almost in many cases live your life between 4 walls, just every now and again glancing out the window into a world you once knew and now you have kinda forgotten.