Changing needs to start in the Brain

I think the hardest part of changing your life and habits is the battle you have within yourself. I know I have spoken on this before, I have talked about the battle I feel within, but the last past couple of days, I feel again I have been tested more than any other time or point so far.

What mental battle is this? It is the one that is in the back of my head saying “it’s okay, you have tried but time to do what most believe you will do”. “Go back to your old ways; you know you want to have some greasy food.  

There have been a couple of times this week, where I just wanted a Pie, or a Feed of Hot Chips. But so far I have not caved into this. I’m not about to Bull Shit anyone and say this has been easy, because it hasn’t. 

When you live a certain way, where your regard for health and your interest in eating healthy isn’t existent, well change is a have old slog. 

I’m not coming into this needing to lose 10 or 15 Kg’s, it’s a case of I need to lose 80kgs, so changes are a must, but a big challenge when it isn’t something normal to me. 

Another hurdle is self-motivating to push the extra miles need, to drag your arse out of bed on cold winters mornings and actually do something. 

These are tough and challenging times that I’m currently working through. But they are changeable and will become manageable in the future. 

I have this thing; I feel like the bad food I have an apple, maybe even go for a walk. Just trying to break the cycle, and retrain the brain.   

The Mental Battles

The past week has been hectic and full on for me, I spent the week Volunteering for my local Rugby League Clubs annual fundraiser at the local show, helping them get ready, plus also working at the local show for 3 days at their BBQ stall. 

Having spent 3 days on the BBQ Plate; if I see another steak or snag again it will be too soon. I did totally enjoy myself. 

The week ended with the Cycling Club Annual Caneland Classic and also a Good win by the boy's at Footy. 

My body feels totally run down atm. I’m struggling to get through the motions of the day. But nothing a good night rest won’t fix. 

Back to some type of normality this coming week, but like a lot of things I will still have much on my plate to contend with. 

So Today I spent the day in Childers, again cooking a BBQ, playing my part in the cycling club, a good friend and fellow board member in Allan Sutton did a wonderful job in pulling our event together, I felt bad that I wasn’t able to play a bigger part in helping with this event, but my turn is soon to come with the Track Carnival in December the 2011 4BU cycling Spectacular Bundaberg Sugar Cup on Wheels. 

While at the show, I got to have a chat with some wonderful and somewhat inspiring people, but to me none more so than a lifelong friend in Daz. like me Darren has struggled with weight issues over many years, he looked so good with his now massive weight loss. 

When he told me he was so proud of me it touched my heart and really gave me a lift that I was looking for. 

Things are not coming easy for me atm, the weight isn’t moving as quick as I would like, admittedly I do feel better within myself, I do find that I need to start to push harder and look to change some things and strive for more consistent movement in my weight loss. 

There are things that happen in everyone’s life that shapes our character, but what defines our legacy and leaves a lasting impression is what we find within when we need to. Without any doubt we all have that special X Factor and dive within, just some of us find it easier to ignore it or never are honest enough with ourselves to truly find it or see it before it is too late.     

I know for me it isn’t too late to make a change to make me feel better, I am also doing this to make myself actually feel proud for the first time in my life. 

This isn’t an easy journey, It could be just as easy to give up and head back into my old ways, god I have even thought about that at times. But what good is that for me, NONE. I’m that one moment away from a heart attack, most likely that would kill me, at 33 I don’t need to be going 6ft under. 

My journey and mission to get healthier and to finally be myself is a battle, I’m waging a war with my mind and my body, and years of abuse and neglect have taken its toll. The mind is a strong tool and weapon if controlled right, if not it can be just as much a hindrance as it is a help. 

I’m always open to support and constructive criticism, for everyone out there willing to support and help their will always be another 5 people ready to knock you down and run you down. 

Those people mean little to me now in my life whereas at one point they would really affect me and trouble me and my mindset.  

At days end I just want to be able to live a life without the threat and stress they obesity brings.